there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
home. puking in laundry basket.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
