we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
