just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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