found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
