The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
