I'm so fucking centered right now
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
