you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize