i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Drunk is not a location!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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