Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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