is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
