Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm really busy with my period
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