he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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