I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
