I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
