Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
