I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
