i barfeds in our rink
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
