he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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