I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have feelings that need drinking.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
