Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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