She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
no, he came in my armpit
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
