I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
