Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
