If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
