Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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