I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
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He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
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Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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