This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
