I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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