You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
