On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
