Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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