Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Randomize