Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
