Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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