She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
