I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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