I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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