I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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