i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
