So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
