The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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