i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
