I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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