He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
