she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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