Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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