He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
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