Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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