What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
