found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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