just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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