ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
