dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
