Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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