I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
