I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
