i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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