Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
