I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
