does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
