Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
