i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
