First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
