That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
