I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
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surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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