I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
where are my eyebrows?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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