I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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