wakey wakey hands off snakey
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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