She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
