Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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