Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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