They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
