and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
