You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
