i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
