the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
