I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I need to stop coming to work sober
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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